When I say home, I don't mean home, home as in England. England has not been a place to lay my hat for a few years now. The place where I feel safe, secure, free, happy and at ease is Thailand. In two weeks I will return to Koh Samui to embark upon a five week yoga teacher training course at Yoga Thailand with Paul Dallaghan. I'm dreaming of space, sand, water, coconuts, but foremost am thinking of my yoga immersion. Time to deepen and evolve. Time to challenge and to play. Time to be find me. Time to be me. Bliss

Where am I in life? Taking each day as it comes and being thankful for whatever has come my way. In moments of extreme madness I come to my breath and close my eyes. I take some time out. Just a few moments to assess the situation and contemplate. Am now teaching yoga at three places, and am meeting someone on Thursday about teaching at a fourth. I'm learning from my students. It's all play. It's all choreography - a creative playground. I move, they move, I fall, they fall, we laugh. We breath together - the energy is electric. We open our hips and sigh. Release, release, release. It's art. It's magical.

My dream came true and I have started teaching yoga. One of my classes is reviewed in Metropolis - a 'what's goin on' magazine in Tokyo. Check the link and scroll down a little http://metropolis.co.jp/tokyo/recent/body_and_soul.asp

Hi all, I have decided to take a break from blogging for a while. I have alot going on at the moment business-wise. All is good and going in the right direction. I will return in a few months to update you all, but will check blogs here once a week to offer my love and support. much love em xxx

I have always been a worrier. Even when little. Not just about myself but for all those around me. I have soent many hours worrying, feeling uptight and on some occasions making myself ill. When sat on the beach i looked at how my life had panned out. Thought of situations where I had laid awake at 5 in the morning, thoughts running through my mind...what can i do? What will happen? Can i help? What if I do this? Over and over again. Those situations sorted themselves out and not through the hours I spent wide awake. They just did. Cuz that's life. So I'm learning to let go and repeat the inner mantra 'There's no need to worry'. It's early days, but I'm sleeping better.

So as I sat on the beach looking out at paradise I got to thinking about my lost one.

When I miscarried I wanted the a huge hole to open before me a gulp me down, never to re-emerge. I cried, god did I cry. I screamed, shouted and simply wore myself down. Dealing with my grief was tiring and no matter how hard I tried I had no energy to support my husband with his grief (he really was my rock).

The question 'why?' always was in the back of my mind.

I was miles away from home, wanted my mum, but didn't want my mum.

I took several days off work, staying at home not venturing anywhere. If I ventured out I knew I 'd see babies and I simply couldn't handle it.

The few clothes we bought I packed away. They remain in a bag in a cupboard. Never thought of giving them away - so maybe way back then in my darkest moments I had some hope of a baby in the future.

August comes and goes - our wee one would have been a summer baby. We always light a candle on the due date. It's never marked on the calender, but will be forever etched in our minds.

Most of my friends back home have children, even the ones who when at school said they never wanted them.

So as I went remembered all I went through following that horrendous time and cried I looked at where I was now.

To this day my marriage is rock solid. I adore my husband. He has seen me at my worse, at my nastiness, at my suicidal and he takes it all in and sees the positive in me all the time.

I totally changed my life. In every aspect. All for the better.

I am healthy.

I have a great life. Not materialistic in any way. Phil and I lead our lives the way we want to lead them and it's great.

I realized you have to go though some real s**t times to get to the good. It makes you stronger. Makes you appreciate all that you have and you learn not to take anyone or anything for granted.

I will never forget that dreadful time and neither will Phil, but we have learned to let go a little and believe it happened for a reason.

For a long time I convinced myself that I was never going to have a child. Now I do believe one day I will be a mum.

My walks along the beach really allowed me time to think things through. At times tears came to my eyes, but all seems so much clearer now and I am more motivated than ever. I will share over time - letting you know decisions made and where they are taking me. Some may not seem big to some, but to me trying to be at one with nature and forever learning from mistakes I've made and from those around me - they are huge. I'm hoping that these discoveries, changes, happenings will help me be the person I want to be and help build the successful company I want to build. All to be revealed.....

Check out this. http://homepage.mac.com/philbett/index.html

Well we've been here one week now and I'm tanned, relaxed, stretched and so very happy. Have been having fun with fruits. Am spoiled for choice here. But, am delighted to say we found durian. Hubby and I have just finished one for dinner. They simply are the best durians we have ever had. Am progressing through my ashtanga practice - working on jump backs and jump throughs. Been practising these in the sea too, which helps immensly. Meditating most evenings. Last night we did 21 rolling OMS and then sat for 15 minutes. Was perfect. So much to tell. Take a look at the photos...

Today we went to the Dog Rescue Center Samui We went to offer our services. 250 dogs 100 cats Heartbreaking. This little fella is just weeks old. Has poorly eyes and a cough. All he wanted was love, which I was only to happy to give.